On my go-to show, The Biggest Loser, there is a little thing called the "Last Chance Workout," wherein Bob and Jillian--the trainers--abuse the poor, defenseless contestants until the fatties look like they cannot possibly take another ounce of torture. These trainers are complete sadists. The evil grins that adorn their faces loom over the pitiful, nearly thin (yet still fat) bodies of the contestants. Every week, I think I would really like to be one of the fatties on that show, except on the day when they are spit-screaming in my face LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE WOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRKOUT!!!!!! I just couldn't fathom what that would be like, but always had a masochistic curiosity.
Guess what!? My trainer, who until I receive his legal approval to use his name will be referred to as Water-Gallon-Man (see my second blog ever for details)...anyhow, he's getting married this weekend. Young love. So sweet. So fragile. So full of wonder. So exciting. I'm so happy for his fiance and him. And I like to think that's why he smiled my whole workout. He will be gone for the next two weeks celebrating his new nuptials, so he--like the first time I encountered him--wanted to be sure to "show me love". Love was just in the air, and people, love was in the form of the most tortuous "Last Chance" I've ever had...
...And I've had a LOT of last chances. Like the time I spray painted our rival school-Lincoln High School-with curse words and paw prints my senior year; I was busted by the police, so I naturally cried "Please don't arrest me; my dad is the preacher at First Baptist Church and I'll be KILLLLLED!!!!" The officer gave me one last chance. I scrubbed paint with paint thinner until my acrylic nails were dripping from my fingers. That was a good last chance. I'll remember that last chance.
Today, I had a "last chance" to get in a heart-pumping, pool-of-sweat-inducing, body numbing workout before my trainer vacations for two weeks. I did five sets of weighted jump squats and lunge series, followed by three dead lift and inverse butt/back/hamstring/everywhere lift sets (these last sets call for their own individual blog, which I don't have time for now). The cherry on top, though, would have to be the three sets of weighted calve raises. Have you ever woken up at night with a pesky cramp in your calve? That's what it felt like, only I couldn't get it to go away. Stretching hurt, sitting hurt, walking hurt...I could find no relief. Desperately looking up at my trainer, I moan "Is this EVER going to go away???" He smiled his sadist grin, pleased at the amount of sweat and sheer pain he'd inflicted.
My muscles have recouped (for now), and I'm sure that tomorrow morning when I wake up and put my dainty little size 10 foot on the floor, my entire lower body will most definitely feel the warmth and pain of Water-Gallon's love...a love that only comes from One Last Chance.
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