I take this break from finalizing a very important paper
(ironically, on obesity and society’s treatment of the subject) that I’ve been
working on for months to bring you a blog—nay, a rant—that has been sparked by
multiple people admonishing the “Body by Vi 90 Day Challenge.” Folks, I hate to break it to ya, but if I
wanted a shake for breakfast and another for lunch, I’d do Slim-Slow. Now, don’t take this as your big break to be
able to exercise your marketing prowess and tell me how different Visalus is
from Slim Fast. It’s a shake, and
unless it tastes like a chocolate, whip cream-topped, delicacy from the mecca
of dairy blends…ole Steak ‘N Shake itself…I ain’t buyin’ it. I don’t care how fat this may cause me to
remain.
On that note, most of you who are taking this big CHALLENGE have—by my estimation—about 20
pounds MAX to lose. (Oh, it’s 30? Pardon me.
I didn’t realize we working on the bottom number of the BMI index for
healthy weight.) Did you ever consider
how offensive it might be to send out
a targeted email, text, etc. to your “friends” who may just be DYING for the
secret that you have mysteriously uncovered?
It’s the equivalent of saying, “Hey, friend, I’ve noticed that you are
fat, so I thought you might like to partake in two shakes a day with me. Ya know, get yourself under control? C’mon!!!
It’ll be fun, fatty!”
What happens when your 20 pounds are gone? You gonna keep drinking this
water-puffed-protein-powder with me while I struggle to starve off the last 50
pounds I need to lose? Probably not.
Now don’t get me wrong.
Some of you to whom this might be relevant should know how VERY dearly I
love you. I think you are
excellent. I don’t think you offered up
your Protein treasure to hurt me; in fact, I think you were truly probably
trying to be helpful. You’ve perhaps
read my blog, even, and thought you’d offer me the solution. So, in some small corner of my very large
body, I even hold a dollop of gratitude that you were trying to help. Just
remember: I love food. A diet that eliminates that from my life
would not only be depressing, but it also would not be the “lifestyle change” I
know I should eventually initiate.
Now, I think I’ll go have a shake. A real one.
From McDonald’s perhaps. Sorry,
Vi.
