Shake It Up, Baby, Now!

I take this break from finalizing a very important paper (ironically, on obesity and society’s treatment of the subject) that I’ve been working on for months to bring you a blog—nay, a rant—that has been sparked by multiple people admonishing the “Body by Vi 90 Day Challenge.”  Folks, I hate to break it to ya, but if I wanted a shake for breakfast and another for lunch, I’d do Slim-Slow.  Now, don’t take this as your big break to be able to exercise your marketing prowess and tell me how different Visalus is from Slim Fast.   It’s a shake, and unless it tastes like a chocolate, whip cream-topped, delicacy from the mecca of dairy blends…ole Steak ‘N Shake itself…I ain’t buyin’ it.  I don’t care how fat this may cause me to remain. 

On that note, most of you who are taking this big CHALLENGE have—by my estimation—about 20 pounds MAX to lose.  (Oh, it’s 30?  Pardon me.  I didn’t realize we working on the bottom number of the BMI index for healthy weight.)  Did you ever consider how offensive it might be to send out a targeted email, text, etc. to your “friends” who may just be DYING for the secret that you have mysteriously uncovered?  It’s the equivalent of saying, “Hey, friend, I’ve noticed that you are fat, so I thought you might like to partake in two shakes a day with me.  Ya know, get yourself under control?  C’mon!!!  It’ll be fun, fatty!” 

What happens when your 20 pounds are gone?  You gonna keep drinking this water-puffed-protein-powder with me while I struggle to starve off the last 50 pounds I need to lose?  Probably not.

Now don’t get me wrong.  Some of you to whom this might be relevant should know how VERY dearly I love you.  I think you are excellent.  I don’t think you offered up your Protein treasure to hurt me; in fact, I think you were truly probably trying to be helpful.  You’ve perhaps read my blog, even, and thought you’d offer me the solution.  So, in some small corner of my very large body, I even hold a dollop of gratitude that you were trying to help.  Just remember:  I love food.  A diet that eliminates that from my life would not only be depressing, but it also would not be the “lifestyle change” I know I should eventually initiate.

Now, I think I’ll go have a shake.  A real one.  From McDonald’s perhaps.  Sorry, Vi.